Of Mice and Modelers . . .

Via recent e-mails, my good friend (*and sparkly-blue, vintage Les Paul-wielding axeman) Dave Tea and I had an interesting exchange regarding tube amps vs. modeling amps. I asked if he would consent to having his reparte' posted on Tone Farm. Having his permission, I offer you a most generous slice of wry wit:

"I've been a frequent lurker and occasional participant for years at an online site called voxtalks.com. If you're not familiar, it's pretty much a place where Beatle People have much discussion regarding Beatle Gear, Beatle Songs, Beatle Chords and of course, Vox amplifiers. Many of the participants are Beatle impersonators (aren't we all?) and/or gigging musicians. Non-Beatle issues are occasionally raised, but detailed theories on the opening chord smash on "A Hard Day's Night" get a lot of discussion. I love the Beatles music as much as anyone, but some of these guys are pretty intense. (Of course, Kiss Kooks are a lot scarier than these guys, but that's whole different can of worms.)

Whatever the deal is, the subject of transistors and modeling amplifiers comes up and I've been quite generous with my true feelings regarding non-tube and/or hybrid guitar rigs. Maybe I'm still cranky over getting swindled years ago, you see, I traded off a 50 watt Marshall Master Volume from the 70s for the allure of a channel switching hybrid (tube pre-amp) Valvestate. Sounded great in the showroom, sucked ass on the stage with pounding bass and drums. It had all the warmth and character of a White House press secretary.

Anyway, my anti-transistor opinions really got some of the geekier members of the board a little hot under the collar, I think the term 'wanker' was used more than once, so you can imagine how offended these proud owners of modeling junk could be. I was challenged to put my money where my mouth was, one member didn't think I should be spouting such ignorance without having tried out the then-new Vox Valvetronics modeling amplifier. I live in a small city in the middle of nowhere, so Vox dealers aren't that easy to find.

While on vacation later that year, I popped into a guitar store in a bigger city that had been a Vox dealer before. I asked the salesman about the Valvetronics amps, but they had given up their Vox dealership, and besides, the Line Six was way better anyway. I thought it was a coincidence that they happened to sell Line Six as well. Go figure. I plugged into the Starship Enterprise and asked for a basic dry crunch, nice and loud. I was genuinely surprised at the thickness of the tone, and was very impressed with the sound quality of this Line Six 2x12 combo. Excellent.

But here's the rub: touch sensitivity. Tube amps have it, hot, glowing glass reactors that spit fire when provoked. I don't know how else to put it than this: I've never had sex with a blow-up doll, but now I think I know what that must be like.

Glowing glass reactors that spit fire when provoked. Classic. Thanks Dave - - J.